This Halloween started off on a bad foot early. My kids came home from school and dumped their candy and started sorting it. These little asshats in training who are “babysat” at the drug house come to my porch door and holler “You givin’ Snickers?” My boys showed them the Crunch bars we were handing out. Then the douchebaggery was afoot. They started bitching and beating the shit out of my door. I told my kids to tell them that we were going to eat and I would pass out candy after dinner. Then they started shoving rocks (which they stole from someone’s driveway) under my porch door. I couldn’t even open the door. So I decided I would eat my dinner on my porch. They started coming down the sidewalk, seen me and ran back to the “babysitter’s”. Next they manage to rustle up an adult to come with them to my house so they can get some of our “awful” candy. Once again the wheels in my head start turning. I am going to personalize my candy for select kids, you know the ones that are dicks. Just like conversation hearts, I would have a special bowl of candy for these “special” children with sayings such as:
Use the Sidewalk!
U R an Ass
Fuck you
Trick or Treat MotherFucker (Kid: “hey, how did they know my name?”)
That isn’t chocolate!
Then a sad truth was pointed out to me. Most of my target group probably can’t read anyway so I would be wasting my time.
